How to Discuss the Transition to Senior Living with a Parent or Loved One
Have you noticed a decline in your parent or loved one’s health? Is it getting increasingly difficult for them to care for themselves at home?
You may find yourself worrying that mom might fall and break a bone. Or dad no longer knows which daily medications he should be taking.
If you can relate to any of these things, you may be wondering if it’s time to look into senior living options.
Just the thought of having a conversation with your loved one about assisted living can be enough to make your heart race and your palms sweat.
Heavy conversations aren’t easy for anyone.
At Koru Health, we understand speaking with your loved one about transitioning to assisted living is filled with an array of emotions. We’ve helped hundreds of families through that difficult transition and have seen their loved ones flourish in their new environment.
On the brighter side, there are some beneficial ways to approach a conversation about assisted living with your loved one.
Here are some tips that will help ensure everyone involved in the decision is heard and your loved one’s best interests are always top priority.
Get your family involved.
It’s best to talk to your siblings or close family members before bringing up assisted living with your loved one. No one appreciates being blind-sided when it comes to making a life-changing decision.
Pick a time when you can all sit down together to talk. In-person is best if that’s possible. Make sure each family member has a chance to speak and talk about their feelings.
Even if you don’t agree with one another, it’s important to hear what each other has to say.
If you and your siblings are having a hard time agreeing on what’s best for your mom or dad, there are professionals you can bring in to mediate and lead a meaningful conversation.
Do some research.
Before talking to your loved one, research local assisted living communities. The cost associated with communities differs considerably depending on where you live and what level of care your parent or loved one requires.
This is also a good time to make sure your loved one has a will or other estate documents in order. Know their financial situation so that you can discuss what funds will cover their care.
Does dad have veterans’ benefits? Does mom have long-term care insurance? How much money do they have saved?
Having answers to these questions before beginning a conversation with them will make sure there are no surprises. It will give everyone involved a better understanding of what level of care can be afforded.
Talk early and often.
It’s never too early to discuss future plans with your senior loved one.
The key is to discuss plans with them before a critical situation happens.
Many seniors stubbornly refuse to talk about assisted living because they fear they’ll lose their independence and have their homes taken away. The downside of not talking early is there could be an emergency situation – and no plan in place.
If an emergency happens and your loved one needs to move into assisted living quickly, this can pile more stress onto an already stressful situation.
Have a conversation in a non-threatening environment.
Talking in person is very important. Come up with a list beforehand of things your loved one is having trouble with so that the conversation can flow smoothly.
Make it a time of day that is good for your loved one. If they are in the best mood and can think the clearest in the morning, meet at that time.
Choose an uninterrupted place to voice your concerns. You don’t want to be interrupted in a busy, loud restaurant or have your kids running around making a lot of noise.
Use positive, non-threatening words. The words you use make a difference. For example:
● Use “senior community” versus “facility”
● Use “condo-style living” versus “rooms”
● Use “help mom move” versus “put mom into [a facility]”
Your tone of voice also matters. Speaking in a soft, unassertive tone is very important. You never want your loved one to feel like they’re being lectured or told what to do.
Remind yourself that you’re having a two-way conversation. You don’t want it to end in a shouting match – that never helps any situation.
Show empathy and be sure to address all of their thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
Focus on the positives.
You don’t want to overwhelm your parent or loved one with too much information at once. This is already a life-altering change, so you want to have a focused conversation.
Do your best not to stress on negatives – “Dad, you shouldn’t drive anymore. Mom, you can’t take your medicine correctly.” Rather focus on what your parent or loved one will be gaining by moving to an assisted living community.
Turn the focus from “what I am leaving behind” to “what I am gaining by living a better quality of life.”
Writing a simple pros/cons list together is a great idea. Usually, the pros of a senior living community outweigh the cons.
Here are a few pros:
● Daily planned activities
● Help with taking medication
● Meals already planned and cooked
● Assistance with cleaning
● Form new friendships
● More time to enjoy daily life
One frequent concern from most seniors is they feel like they will lose control of their daily life by moving into an assisted living community.
But you have the power to quickly eliminate that concern if you focus on the positives and what they will be gaining.
End the conversation with a plan in place.
Don’t minimize how difficult this can be. Sometimes a decision will not be made in a one-and-done conversation. In that case, make a plan when you will meet to talk about it next.
If your loved one is open to visiting a senior living community, let them know you’ll set up a visit. “Mom, tomorrow I will call and make an appointment for us to see if this community would be a good fit for you.”
It’s important for your parent or loved one to know that ultimately they have the final decision about where they live – as long as they’re still able to make rational decisions.
Reinforce to them that you are their advocate and will help make this life transition as easy as possible for everyone involved. Make it clear that you will respect their wishes.
Most of the time, hard conversations are unavoidable. But with a proper plan in place and a positive attitude, discussing a transition to senior living with your parent or loved one can be the beginning of a beautiful new chapter in their life.
At Koru Health, we believe senior health and lifestyle should be met with the same joy, energy, and optimism as any other period in life. We look forward to welcoming your loved one to a place they trust and feel comfortable to call home.
You can learn more about our commitment to community here.
References:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-talk-to-parents-about-assisted-living-153013.htm